Probably it is not a good time to start a new blog with these crappy letters, nonetheless, there are reasons that I could not tell.
It has been a long term since the launch of my last rubbish talk or we may give it a name called blog which sounds good but weird. A lots of thing happened recently, fortunately, they are all good things, but only for me, because, it is very very not traditional and unusual, it is unacceptable for most people who track the regulations for all of their lives, and it is quite not understandable for people who are enjoying their lovely days which can make them die in peace. I really should not say too much, but I need experssion. Every decision is risky, you make choice, however, you do not look back. there is one thing that forget to say is before setting off, ensure you have checked everything. In my life of 23 years, I have never regret to do anything, 'cause I always belive the situation changes, and I have to change my route which leads to the bright future that Im looking forward to. It seens to be like a game, just not that fun, but life is just a game, isn't it.
I was wondering in the silky rain, thinking where my way is, am I on the right track? or which way shall I pick next. Friends always say you think too much, you worry about too many stuff that you do not need to worry about, maybe yes, maybe no. Actually, the reason why I keeping thinking about myself all the time is I really want to know why I am thinking like this, why I am different from other guys, am I totally insane? I just want to know why. I dont want to blame anyone who causes me this current horrible situation, its nobody's fault, its just what a Chinese student is supposed to be, so are the others.
23 years, 23 years in my life, I have not made any choices all by myself, I was always affected by other people's opinion or by what the stupid people think. I am not an ox that can only be driven by other people all life long. This is my lfe, I want it to be what I expect to be, no matter it is crappy like a dog's life or great like a star's life, this is mine, I do not want other people to draw on my board, even though it is inevitable.
Everyone who has a brain, plaease search your brain, how many decisions have you made for you self and all by yourself. Is your current life what you used to picture in mind. Surely, it isn't, real life is different, but why it is always more terrible than what you imagine. It is because, you never try to fight for it, you got too much fear, you are fear of losing properties, you are fear of losing life. so what do you live for? just one breath? for fitting other people's mind? for not breaking any traditional regulations? for just being normal like a massive products from the bench, and die quietly like a wild cat? Really? You may think so whereas I dont.
To be honest, when I start to do anything or say anything weird of different, I never expect people to understand me, I know they have their principles, so do I. Sometimes I just want to be different, sometimes nevertheless I just want to the right thing. I would never want to be a kind of guy who is about to die and begins to regret what he has not done in his life when he scans his old time.
Peeple say just persevere in what you are doing no matter how many difficulties you are gonna meet, you will succeed as the only consequence. However, may I say thats just crap. Hard working is hard working, it can never replace inspiration. Without inspiration, hard working is equal to time wasting. I just want to say, people will not get paid back for just sweaty hard working. Let's get back, it is very significant to keep the awareness of the direction of the way you are walking along and any changes that may occur, and change your way once you find it wrong without looking back.
Every time when friends hear my talking about my feelings, they always say your expectation of yourself probably is too high, and you certainly feel stressed a lot. They are right, I can not deny. Despite of that, I can not live with out ambition, otherwise, Im just a combination of meat and bones. This time Im fighting for my life.
At the end of this brain cleasing, I would like to say what Rambo said in the movie to everyone and myself : live for nothing, die for something.
